Never is a Promise
by RL Bella
Summary: It will be as if I'd never existed.' But I remembered. Never is a promise Edward Cullen couldn't keep. He'd never leave me, he never existed. Now here I was never going to die. The everlasting pain of a love who'd long since forgotten... Me.
1. Laurent

**Never Is A Promise  
**Set during New Moon, after Edward leaves.

Bella's Point of View

Staring at Laurent in OUR meadow had been somewhat of a breaking point. I could hear him prattle on about the missing vampires in my life. How dare he come here and talk about the ones who had left me, calling me their pet? Although I guess he was right. I was nothing but a play thing for them. I started getting a little angry. Here I was looking for some kind of sign that they were real, that ... He did exist. And it ended up being a big slap in the face.  
"Do they visit often?" He asked.  
"Lie." I was again assaulted by the voice in my head. I realized I was in danger, more danger than I had been with the motorcycles. That's the only time I ever heard the velvety smooth voice of my love. It was then I noticed the color of Laurent's eyes had never changed to the golden shade the vegetarian vampires have, they were still a cold crimson. And I realized something else.

I didn't care.

He lied to me, I concluded. As if the fact had been eluding me all along. It hadn't. He said that, 'It will be as if I'd never existed.' He promised. As if he never existed. Never is a promise he didn't keep. I remembered him every day. The gaping numb hole in my chest throbbed. Stupid vampire. So who was I to keep mine? Stay safe. How could I stay safe when I had vampires running in and out of my life so freely? I felt like airing my bad laundry. Showing him that the Cullens were just as bad as he was in my opinion. Letting him see that I didn't care if he killed me now or ten years from now. But I wanted it NOW.  
"No." I replied saucily, the angelic voice growled at me. Or maybe it was at Laurent, because he was gradually getting closer. "Edward didn't want to change me. So he left, hoping I would forget." I heaved a sigh. The hole in my chest ached at my words. _Forget that he ever loved me._ I added pitifully in my mind. _Edward never loved you._ I tried pushing the thoughts back away. My heart pounding, and the voice in my head saying something I was trying to push away.  
"I had thought that the house smelled like it had been vacant awhile..." I shrugged, waiting patiently. "You know I came down here as a favor to Victoria." That was a surprise. My mouth turned to a little 'O'. "She won't be happy about this."  
"About what?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know at this point, but it didn't matter. _I didn't care._ Not anymore.  
"About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr. "She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on. "She's sort of... put out with you, Bella." I rolled my eyes. If he was going to kill me he could do without the speech. "For James." He added. "Mate for mate. Edward killed James... She'd kill you."  
"That must ruin all of her fun." I could hear him growling in my mind, it made it very hard to think. "Edward was never my mate." Oh those words... They stung. I could feel myself slipping back. He looked somewhat shocked at my words, then realized I was trying to provoke him. Leave him an opening.  
"Maybe her plan was flawed---apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected." Yes, I got that. _Asshole_. I stood there rigid. Waiting. Why do all deaths have to have a fucking monologue by the villain? "I suppose she'll be angry all the same."  
"Yeah, okay. I think I got it. Victoria's going to be pissed off you killed me, so she couldn't get back at Edward." Oh, how saying his name left me breathless. "She'll get over it." So just do it already!  
"You think I'm going to kill you?" Laurent laughed. I'd never forget the sound, it was so beautiful and menacing at the same time.  
"Aren't you?" I asked plainly. I wanted it over with. So this numbness can melt into nothing. So I could be nothing. Like how much I meant to him. _Nothing._  
"Oh no, dear Bella. I think it would hurt Edward far more if I changed you." My eyes grew wide. Living forever, knowing that the vampire I had loved was out there, somewhere. No, that wasn't what I wanted at all! He advanced on me, the voice in my head still growling. I wish it would shut up in my last moments... As a human. It was over in a second, I was flat on my back. Teeth digging into my shoulder. I remembered this feeling. The fire in the ballet studio that Edward had put out. I vaguely heard Laurent swearing, and howls. I tried to focus, but the burning took over every sensation.

_Edward..._


	2. Burning

I don't know how long I had laid there after the burning stopped. I tried to go over what had just happened in my mind. I couldn't remember anything but pain. I knew Laurent had done this, but after that... Nothing. Did he just leave me here to suffer? I tried to go over everything in my mind. At least I knew what I was. I knew that the dry burning in the back of my throat was thirst. I knew that as a newborn this thirst was going to be the controlling aspect of my life. Then why couldn't I stop thinking about Edward? I kept going over his face in my mind. Trying to commit it to memory. Trying to remember his voice. I knew I could forget all of my human memories, but the ones with Edward I wasn't willing to lose. They already seemed so distant and vague. I also knew people were going to start looking for me soon, I had to get up. Go somewhere, just not here. My truck was still parked at the road and although Jake stopped talking to me, he knew I was trying to find this clearing. I don't know why I came to this conclusion, why I thought that it was a good idea. But I started running to the Cullens. I knew they weren't here, they probably wouldn't be back for some time. But I wasn't going to stick around for that long.

I went around to the back door, and lifted the dying potted plant and grabbed the spare key. I knew Alice wouldn't care if I took some of her things. Just because Edward's feelings were fake, doesn't mean hers were. She was a terrible liar. She would have known I would have seen through her. I let myself in and went straight to Alice's room. Going in her closet was just as I suspected. Tons of clothes left. They'd be out of style by now, Alice would donate them when they came back, not that it'd be anytime soon. Maybe these would be decades old by then. I grabbed some jeans and a modest T-shirt, and headed into the adjoining bathroom to shower. I felt dirty. Grimey. I stood there and let the hot water run against me until it was cold. Just thinking about what I would do, where I would go. The Cullens had money, they could live around humans. They didn't feed on them. Would I? I knew I couldn't, but I might. When I got out I put the clothes on and went about ransacking the rest of her closet for things to wear. Trying not to think about living in the woods for years until I could control myself. Grabbing a backpack from the back of her closet, the least flashy one, I opened it to start shoving the clothes in. I gasped aloud as I instead pulled out stacks of money. There was a note with it.

Dear Bella,

I can't see why you might need this, it's mostly for the reasons I can't see. Take whatever you need, we wont miss it. If I notice this is gone and you are gone... I will know that you are safe. I will miss you, we all will. Don't stay away too long. Edward will come looking for you soon.

Love always,  
Alice Cullen

I was stunned, Alice saw that I might need this, but she couldn't see why? Could she not see I was a vampire now? I was happy that she missed me, I knew she did. But seeing her say it, made it seem more real. Maybe I could find her, but I wouldn't know where to look. I grabbed another bag, this time a duffel, and started piling shit into it. Most of the money went to the bottom, covering it with clothes. I put in random things I thought I might need but wouldn't want to stop for. It was full of clothes, I thought it'd be impossible to lift, but instead it was relatively easy. New found vampire strength, probably. The backpack still had some of the money in it. At the very bottom I noticed an envelope. "From Jasper" was scrawled across the front. I opened it and saw an I.D. and passport with my picture on it already, along with the keys to Rosalie's M3. I felt overwhelmed with emotions. Then I noticed the name on them.

Isabella Masen

Why would they put Edward's... I took a deep breath, even though it wasn't needed I hadn't been breathing most of the time I was in here. Didn't want to remember the memories, the smells. At least I wouldn't have to go near humans for awhile, until I could control my thirst. I paused. I didn't SEEM very thirsty. But the second I started thinking about it my throat was assaulted with a burning sensation. Animals. I'll never feed off of anything but animals. I just had to keep telling myself that. I finished packing my stuff, putting the I.D. in one of Alice's wallets. Making sure everything looked neat, like I had never been here. I went into the garage to get Rosalie's car. My car now, I almost giggled at that. I wonder what she would think if she knew Jasper gave me the keys to her car. I almost wished I could see the look on her face when they came back and it was missing. Jasper would just smirk and shrug. Oh well you see Bella needed it. Him and Alice would laugh. I smiled to myself. I was going to miss them, and I hoped one day we could be friends again. I threw my stuff in the car, and ran into the forest, to find something to sedate my thirst. I didn't want to take any chances. I caught some foxes, and a few other creatures that didn't taste good at all. I felt full though. I wondered how I could tell. Didn't vampires get sent a set of rules or something? Not turned and left to wander in confusion. I went back into the house and made sure I had everything I could need. Wandering aimlessly I paused at Edward's door. I held my breath, and walked in. I wasn't sure why I went in, but once I was there the emotions took over. If I could cry, I would have been bawling, turned into a ball on the floor. I couldn't think of him, I couldn't think of how happy he had made me until he left. I needed something, anything to remember him by. I went to his music collection, and started pulling Cd's I had loved. When I was done ravaging his shelves and placing them in my backpack, I paused. With one angry last look, I slammed the door behind me.

I got into the car and started driving, popping in a random Cd. I had a new name, and a new life. Or.. un-life. I laughed. I felt horrible for laughing at something that was causing my family pain. But for once, the gaping hole, the numbness, was gone. I didn't feel like I was going to die at any moment from loneliness, sadness, despair, overwhelming grief. With dying I had changed. I still missed him, them desperately. But I didn't feel as if it would swallow me alive and kill me. I remembered when I thought I was like a zombie... Now I really was the walking dead and I knew I would see Alice one day. I missed her. I didn't know where I was going, but I started driving north. Wherever it was, I would find vampires, maybe even vegetarian ones, and maybe they could help me.


	3. Edward

A/N: All author notes are usually in my profile! Please read and review :)

Edward's Point of View

I couldn't be sure exactly how long I had been lying here, eyes closed and curled into a ball. My heart was long since dead, but the pain in my chest couldn't be explained as anything less than heart break. I had left her, the one I loved. The only woman I ever wanted. Ha, the irony... The only woman I ever needed, the only one my heart could beat for if it could still beat. I loved her with everything I was, and she had so easily believed that I hadn't at all. I wanted her to be happy, to have everything I could never offer her. But at the same time I was selfish and I wanted to be with her, forever. Until she grew old, died. Then so would I. I could never live without her. Is that what this was now then? Living? Existing without a purpose? I gorged myself on wild life. Lying there almost catatonic, glutting myself, and trying to find Victoria was all I did. Although I had long since given up on the latter. Isabella Marie Swan had changed the person I was. Forever. I could never go back to the Edward I was, the one who scowled at everything, hated this existence I was doomed for. Would she even take me back, if I went? It had been what, 6 months? Would she even remember me? Humans were so fickle with their emotions, had hers for me been real? I had started weaving an intricate lie in my head, she was happy to be rid of me. She'd been waiting for me to leave, but didn't want to break MY heart. It was then I made the decision to go back to Forks. It wouldn't take me that long, if I left now.

Several Hours Later...

Her scent was here, but it was old. Stale. It didn't seem like she was here. Her truck wasn't out front. Did she move back to Phoenix? It was nearing 3am, and Chief Swan was already asleep. I jumped up to her window and let myself in. Her bed unmade, clothes strewn across the room. But her scent, it wasn't as strong as it was. Seeing all of her things here, as if she never left was unnerving. She had clearly not been here for some time. I spent the rest of the night following her faint scent, when I could smell it, around town. I ended up sitting in the woods outside her house, as if waiting for her to come home. She left. It was apparent now. I wondered if they made her, or if she was just happy to get rid of me. I couldn't stop the negative thoughts, they flowed freely. I was still sitting there, loathing in self doubt and pity when my cellular rang.

"Edward," Alice began. "Don't be mad at me." I growled.  
"What, Alice?"  
"I didn't tell you before, but I don't want you to be mad. She's alright." Alice tried to continue, but I started yelling at her.  
"You looked into her future? I told you not to!"  
"Edward."  
"Whatever it is, I don't want to know!" I continued.  
"Isawitbeforeweleft." She hastily said between my tirade. I paused, if I still had blood flowing freely from my veins, it would have iced over in fear.  
"What did you see, Alice?" I asked through clenched teeth.  
"Bella was alone in your meadow, but then she was running to our house, but we weren't there, we hadn't been for awhile. She ran up to my room and started taking clothes, she was running away I think. I decided to leave her money, so she wouldn't have to live on the streets, but when the vision shifted, Jasper had added a present too, a fake I.D. under the name Isabella Masen." She said in a rush, pausing to wait for me to react. It took me a few seconds, I was going over the information in my mind. Bella went to our meadow, then she decided to run away? It wasn't making sense.  
"What aren't you telling me, Alice?"  
"Well I..." She paused. "I had another vision before I called you." I waited patiently. "In this one, she was driving Rosalie's car. I didn't see where, but her eyes Edward, her eyes were red."

There I go again, with the ice. I felt cold. And completely lost, shattered, alone. _Rosalie's car,_ I realized. I hung up on Alice and was already halfway home. When I got to the front door, her scent hit me stronger than before. She couldn't have been that far away. I opened the door and followed it straight to Alice's room. I saw her abandoned clothes by the bathroom door. I picked up her shirt and gaped, dropping it out of shock. It was practically covered in blood. What had happened to my darling Bella? I dropped to the floor picking up the shirt again, holding it tightly against me. I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there, until I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. I couldn't say anything. I was frozen in fear.

"We'll find her Edward." Alice said, behind Jasper.


	4. Denali

Bella's Point of View

I didn't know what possessed me, but I drove for days. Never pushing the speed limit. I thought faster than I drove, in several different directions. What was I now? Oh, I knew the answer to that. Vampire. Why had fate decided to change me after the reason for changing, had strolled out of my life? The irony kept leaving a dry laugh in the back of my throat. I realized as I left Canada and entered Alaska, where I had planned on going. Denali. Would they even welcome me? I was positive they had to know about me from Edward's week long stay there. I finally let the laugh escape my throat. How humorous it would be to end up on their doorstep, eyes red and shaking with hunger. I wasn't sure how to find them, but I knew I didn't want to wander around town waiting for someone to notice me. I had been lucky avoiding humans up until this point. Holding my breath and thinking about dead puppies, my father, my mother. Picturing their faces on anyone I had come across helped me preserve myself.

I parked outside of Denali. Grabbing my things and tossing the keys to the car in the trunk. I wouldn't want someone to steal Rosalie's car easily. All the more reason for her to rip me limb from limb. Instead of continuing down the desolate highway into town, I veered off, and headed into the wild. My converse shoes crunching through the snow, thoroughly soaked before I had descended into the treeline. I would be shaking with cold if I were still human. Still human... I hadn't thought much about what I had been. I had kept my thoughts on preservation, on keeping myself away from Edward as long as I could. Rejection was something I would spend an eternity avoiding. I found a cabin, and from the stale smell it seemed that humans hadn't been here since summer. I doubt anyone would come here until the snows cleared. I broke in, and laid myself on the couch. Willing sleep to come, even though I knew it never would. It was there I sat, staring into space nursing the newly torn open remains of my broken heart when they found me.

Alice's Point of View

"Wait!" I whispered, as Edward and Jasper stopped running and turned to face me. Edward was quick to reach into my mind to see my vision as I did. We were an hour out of Phoenix, and we were going the wrong direction!  
"Denali." Edward whispered, and before anyone could say another word, he bolted. I picked up my phone to tell Carlisle of our changed plans. He hadn't believed Bella was changed. None of us really did. But with this news, her being in Denali. Why else would she seek out the only other vegetarian vampires she knew about? I almost wished we all hadn't decided to go to the east coast. We might have ended up staying with our distant cousins.  
"What did you see, Alice?" Jasper asked, as we started running after Edward.  
"I saw Tanya, Kate and Irina talking to Bella about staying with them. But Edward left before the vision could finish." I didn't bother explaining to him how it finished, I just pushed myself harder. Edward was going to stay steps behind Bella in her journey as a newborn, it seemed.

Bella's Point of View

"I'm flattered, really..." I started, not wanting to offend them.  
"But?" Tanya prompted.  
"I love him." I started, simply. They knew who I was referring to. "I know your families are close. I couldn't... stand to be near them. They left me. They're the reason I am what I am." Kate tried to intervene my train of thought and stand up for them, but I interrupted her before she could begin. "I know what you mean, they aren't the one who changed me. Laurent did. But he wouldn't have had a reason if Edward didn't leave me behind, alone. He changed me because of Edward. Don't you see?" I was getting frustrated. It was then that the silent one of the siblings, who hadn't said a word since I started, burst into in reconcilable anger.  
"How dare you accuse him of such a thing!" She started, glaring at Tanya when she told her to be quiet. "He would never hurt anyone! Just wait until he comes back and tells his side of the story!" She seethed with absolute loathing, and turned from the cabin, and ran.  
"You'll have to excuse our sister." Kate said, rolling her eyes. Before she could make another excuse for her sister, I interrupted her yet again.  
"Laurent is dead." I started, and continued after they both gasped. "I don't know how I know, but as I started to change I heard him scream, and there was this terrible sound..." I shuddered. "I just feel it, in my bones."  
"You must stay with us, Bella." Tanya said again.  
"You really must! We can help you control your thirst." Kate added.  
"You would be a welcome addition to our family, despite what any of the Cullen's might have to say about it." Tanya agreed.  
"Or Irina." Kate added glumly. I sighed. What would the Cullens think about this? They left me to my own devices, and I found more danger than I ever expected I would have. Alice had left me supplies, she would see if I chose to stay here. She'd come to see me... Would _he_ come to see me as well?  
"I'll think about it. I honestly will. I had planned on asking you for help, maybe somewhere I could stay alone or with someone to control myself, my thirst. I didn't really have any major plans when I started up here. I just know I could never take a human life, soil myself like that..." I paused, thinking I could never soil myself in Edward's eyes, by doing that. "But I don't want to see them now. If I stayed here, Alice would see me with you and visit. And I couldn't..." I sighed dramatically. "I just can't face his rejection." Turning into a vampire stopped the erratic beating of my heart when I thought of him, it stopped my panic attacks and crying. But the gaping hole in my chest hadn't ceased, it had grown larger. I clutched my arms around myself and closed my eyes, grasping myself tightly.  
"We understand Bella. But if your aim is to stay away from the Cullen's, I'm afraid we wont really be able to help you. What with Edward reading minds, and Alice seeing the future." Tanya said, resigned to the fact I wasn't going to be apart of their family at this time. "I suggest you leave here now, find somewhere anywhere to hole up and think. When you're ready to come to us, we will be here to help you through the rest of your physical and emotional journey. As a sister."  
"You will always be welcomed, Bella. Don't stay away for too long, we want to help you." Kate continued. I swelled with an indescribable feeling. I was wanted. I had been somewhat orphaned over night and here I was, at the steps of yet another vampire coven who wanted me.  
"Thank you." I said simply, as the two sisters came forward and gave me an incredible group hug. If I were still human I would be blushing and stammering away. I smiled broadly at them and turned to pick up my things by the door and head off into the wilderness.  
"We wont tell them you were here willingly, stay safe Bella." Tanya called after me, as the cabin disappeared behind me. I was hungry again, so I stopped abruptly when the smell of something caught my senses. A meat eater, I was positive. I was getting better at this, I thought as I rounded a corner, dropping my things. A grizzly lay waiting for me.

Alice's Point of View

I groaned at my brother's dramatics. He really was too much sometimes. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what the two sisters were thinking about him barging into their home uninvited demanding to know where Bella was. I didn't even need to see into the future to see where this ridiculous fight was going.  
"What do you mean, you don't know where she is!?" He ranted. "I can smell her all over you!" He accused. Kate rolled her eyes at him as Tanya glared at him with new found rage. This time, it wasn't for coming over uninvited and screaming at them.  
"Just what right do you have, Edward Anthony Masen." She started, using his human name. It had the desired effect, and Edward shrank back slightly, as if being scolded by Carlisle. "To barge into my residence, and scream at my family? You're the one who left Bella Swan alone. Are you just mad that she didn't try to seek you out, after her transformation?" I held back a smirk, even though this situation was anything but funny. Jasper looked at me oddly, no doubt sensing my mirth. I just shook my head and crossed my arms in front of me, and resumed glaring at Edward's back. "But why would she seek you out, Edward?" Tanya continued, this time with the entire family coming out to stand behind her, minus Irina. I wondered why that was. "She explained to us how it happened. You all," she looked over at me and Jasper briefly. "Left her. Told her you didn't love her anymore, and just walked out of her life." I still felt horrible for that. I would never forgive myself for not standing up to Edward and telling him just what I thought of his ridiculous plan to keep Bella safe and happy. Couldn't he had seen, even then, that the only way she would be happy was with him? It was still true now...

Edward was dumbfounded. He opened his mouth to speak several more times and snapped it shut just as quickly. I sensed he was having a mental conversation with someone.  
"Don't you think I know that now?" He asked in the barest of whispers. Shoulders slumped, he looked defeated. "If she just knew, that every day I thought of her. Every day I wanted to come back and scoop her up into my arms and tell her I love her more than anything, that she's my everything..." He broke off, staring at the ground. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. It was too close to what I had seen of Bella in the first few months. I couldn't stop the memory from coming. Edward's head snapped up and quickly looked at me. Ut oh...  
"Alice..." He started. I tried to think of something else. I tried to focus on something that would get Edward out of my mind, but the memory was already playing full swing. "Alice!" He said louder, trying to vacate my mind. I couldn't stop it anymore than he could bring himself to pull himself out of my memories. He fell to his knees, a dry sob stuck in his throat. Hands to his head, keening in pain and self wallowing.

_Bella was lying in the dirt. The rain softly falling on her. Her face scratched and tear stained, without the energy to cry anymore. She just kept repeating, 'He's gone, he's gone.' A large wolf came up to her then, sniffing and nudging her gently. She just laid there, eyes closed. The wolf went away, and a tall Indian man returned in his place. Shining the light on her, he said her name plainly as she looked up into the light, blinking rapidly. Her eyes had lost their glow, depth. She looked barely alive._

Edward was finally able to withdraw from my mind and I was able to think about something else. I decided on the multiplication table. Reciting it again and again. But the damage was done.  
"Bella..." He choked down another sob. If he had realized this is what I saw every day, along with random visions of her looking empty, he'd feel horrible. I kept up with the times table, I didn't want to stop myself and bring my brother more pain.  
"She won't come back if she senses you're here, or smells your scent." Kate said bluntly. "She thinks you want nothing to do with her, and she's avoiding what in her mind is unavoidable rejection."  
"We told her we'd help her, that we'd adopt her as our family. She's gone off to think about it, but we don't want you here when she returns. For her sake, Edward. You have to go." He looked up at the two sisters, nodding his head.  
"But you'll convince her, wont you?" He pleaded, "That I still love her?" Tanya just shook her head.  
"I can't promise you that Edward. Please go. We'll keep in touch, with Alice." She added, and all but shoved us out of the door.  
"Thank you Tanya. This will mean the world to Carlisle and Esme, if Bella comes back." I said quickly, before running after Jasper and Edward. This time, Edward would be coming home with us, to New York. I couldn't wait to see Esme's face. Suddenly I had a quick vision of Rosalie being quite upset over her car being missing. So I veered off from following them to bring her car back to our home in Forks. But still... Things were looking up, despite all the events of this week. Our family was now whole again, hopefully with another addition soon.


End file.
